I Fear Not...

Journal Entry (4.17.11)

I decided that today would be the day for me to get some thoughts out on a public stage. I've made several attempts to post at least partial expression on my site, but for some reason-- I couldn't figure out what would be worthy of a quick read. I've contemplated different angles of writing. Whether I was gonna push the font to the edge of the margin with a conscious blast or just use the nothingness of the pad to give a black & white perspective. Then it hit me...the best way for me to get back to the necessary connection between the reader and myself, is to use my thoughts as the dots needed to see the most revealing picture. Recently, I have been inspired more than ever to write. My biggest supporter and the most influential person that I've ever come in contact with, passed away. My father left this earth on February 8, 2011. Subsequently, I decided to write a book about the conversations that I had with my Pop. My mind is absorbed with his lessons and advice, which guided me to be the ink in the pen that will continue to underline his words. Though it may seem redundant, death always puts life into perspective. Last year, a friend asked me in a random conversation, "What's your biggest fear?"... without any hesitation I responded with conviction "Living in this world without my dad". Nothing in sight or reasonable speculation lead me to believe this random moment of intimate admission would foreshadow an imperfect thought. We all get asked to disclose our fears with all expectations that our most detailed depiction of the apprehension is at the farthest point away from our present days. The last day that I spent with my father in the hospital-- I had my final conversation with him. Unlike any other conversation, I had to do all the talking while I pray to God that he was able to do the listening. At this moment, I was face-face with my "self-proclaimed moment of fear" and the only thing that was prolonging the divine process of having TWO PARENTS as angels, was a ventilator...

To be continued... (via hard copy)